a word to the wise.

i posted this on a friend's blog and i'm so amused and proud of it that i had to put it here, so thank you for the inspiration heather :) hahahahahaha.

"a word to the wise, from the dumb. if you've sorted everything through once, go back through everything and reduce it again by at least a third. i know it sounds drastic and terribly traumatic, but you will thank me. if it helps, you can curse my name while you relinquish control of your favorite stack of handouts from 9th grade (are you getting a mental image of my sorting issues?) the thing that made me laugh the most though, was on the day the boxes were actually leaving my apt in cola. alex, who was helping me pack the annoying little crap that one's bedroom seems to prefer more than any other room, said "what the hell is this? a bag of bags?" it was, in fact, a bag of bags. in my defense though, they were perfectly fine zip-locks, had been used only a couple times and were designated for controlling shampoo bottles on trans-pacific flights. why should i get rid of them? thank God he was there to take them from me and put them in the trashbag."

environmentalist + two years without a paycheck = ultimate pathetic saver

i am a recovering pack rat - my proudest recovery story to date though, is the day i helped my mother sort her closet. i brought stacks of clothes to her from her closet while she stood in her bedroom trying on pair after pair of shorts she would never wear again and t-shirts that had been mine only a few short years before. when we finished, we had 3 boxes of clothes and a beautiful, still replete closet, though it was beginning to resemble one of those California Closet ads where the shelves have been built out of old-growth wood and there are 2 cedar hangars on the dowel: one with a pink striped man's dress shirt and a hot pink tie casually draped over it, the other with a gauzy tea-length dress (size 0) hanging on by its clear straps. the shelves hold 3 pair of shoes (why 3? this couple only has one outfit each, and he doesn't even have pants!) and an heirloom blanket. recessed lighting illuminates a carpet with neither foot marks nor vacuum lines but! supporting a small basket of toys to entertain either a stepford baby or a miniature pomeranian whose painted toenails have never touched the floor anyway...

whoa. i've been reading again. if you've not paid your fines and checked out sedaris... *tsk tsk*